End of 8th Month

 As August draws to an end, I've started to have some growing wavering.  Mostly because my birthday is this week.  I'm debating whether I should be allowed a birthday-break from the Depth Year, and if so, how to control it so it doesn't just start a downward spiral from here through the end of the year.  

There are things that I have not bought that I have not missed.  There are things that I've not bought, and I'm like waiting down the clock, and I'm probably going to buy them on January 1st.  I didn't read anything when researching Depth Years about what that might mean.  If I've been drooling over an unnecessary item for 6+ months, am I missing the point if I buy it when my "year is up?" I understood this to be an exercise in reducing commercial intake, to appreciate what you already have and not constantly shop and buy unnecessary items to try and use it as some kind of psychological crutch. So what does it mean if I go on a shopping spree on January 1st? I'm really good at deferred gratification and have a +10 modifier for patience? Granted, there's not a whole slew of items I want and am waiting to buy.  There's less than 5.  And most of the things that I have seen and wanted and let go, I don't think about it again after the fact.  There are even items that have been released by my favorite company, as limited edition items, and I understood that there's no guarantee I'll be able to find them on the second-hand market in 2021, and yet I'm largely at peace of not buying anything this year.  

Recently, I've continued the practice of online window shopping.  As I spoke last month, largely this frustrates me to a point where it kills any desire to buy anything.  There's a little difference though between running searches on Amazon and Ebay, and browsing a favorite specialty website.  I have not opened a tab for Sockdreams.com because I really have a problem.  I have so many socks of all sorts that I can barely close my sock drawers.  I have no need for socks anytime soon.  If you can think of a kind of sock, I probably have it.  And yet, and yet... I know if I start looking over there, I will be sorely tempted.  I had a similar problem when I was shopping on DSW.com.  I decided after walking my feet into great pain (barefoot shoes are not meant for 12 mile walks on city sidewalks), that I could replace my worn-out waterproof hiking sandals (literal holes through the soles through to the interior padding) with another pair of waterproof hiking sandals (and I had a $20 off coupon!).  But I faced down that temptation and some really cool looking shoes that could feasibly replace shoes I have that are worn but not worn completely out, and let them go, only getting exactly the one pair to replace the dead pair that had to go in the trash.

Is this a sign of weakening?  Are my defenses starting to crack?  I'm not sure.  So far, I'm content with my gift to myself being a trip to a "beach house" (since DragonCon was cancelled, and now COVID is too hot in my home state to be safe to visit (and NYC will slap me with a $10K fine if they catch me trying to reenter the state after going home - I can't legally self quarantine due to sharing a bathroom with 2 roommates), and try and fill the hole in my soul with copious amounts of New England seafood. 

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